no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
