the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
