so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
