Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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