she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
