I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
