We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
