Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My feet surprised me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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