Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
