You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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