i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize