I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You smell like stripper and shame
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
