Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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