No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
