i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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