His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
