We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
