Whod you bang
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
