so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
