Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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