It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
