You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
