She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
