you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
