also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
