I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
