Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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