don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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