theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
