I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
