just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize