god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
