how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
