apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is that strawberry winking at me??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
