On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
