Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
