By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
