Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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