trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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