My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
