Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
