you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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