soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
