So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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