Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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