Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
