margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
