Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
