Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
