So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I sprained my soul last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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