We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my liver is dry heaving
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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