I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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