Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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