So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
