theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize