Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
