so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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