i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
so much tequila, so little girl.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize