I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
