please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
