shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
