OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
