He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
