He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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