In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
