I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
