the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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