I wish I could teleport
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
