I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
