i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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