At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
