every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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