Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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