Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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