we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
