He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
