No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
