i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
