We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
