OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My dick has a subreddit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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