I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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