so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
