they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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