He is an equal opportunity slut.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
