do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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