There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
