White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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