I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
