Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize