why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
