i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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