the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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