the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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