i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
