Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize