It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
