I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
