You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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