Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
