im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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