Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
