im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
