WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
