she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
