I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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