It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
